Youmans (pronounced like 'yeoman' with an 's' added)
is the best-kept secret among contemporary American writers.
--John Wilson, editor, Books and Culture

Friday, January 04, 2013

Most questions answered, no. 2

More answers to the series of questions left at the "Huswifery" post from a few days ago...

The Return of the Pot Boy,
who has received the following question:

DAVID R. said... Dear Potty [sic] Boy--I wash my dishes in a sink and use the standard drying apparatus. Now, why is there always gunk accumulating in the bottom of the utensil drying bin though I just washed the pieces?
Note from Marly: As David R. is part of a lively group of fb-teasers, I hope he will not take it amiss that the Pot Boy teases him in return...

           Dear David R.,

Have you never darkened the door of a church, temple, lovely fane of columnar trees in the woods to learn about this matter of dust? Judging by your impertinent address to me, I fear not, and detect that the courtesy of the South has been (woe!) lost on you. Still, some wholesome truths may set you, if not right, then a little less askew--rumors of your shenanigans have reached even The Scullery. Dust thou art, man, and to dust thou wilt return! (Not singling out you in particular, mind, but still....)

The world is faintly silted over with this fine matter, dust, and even the water from your (possibly execrable--look to it, man!) faucet contains dust (as does even the very whitest snow.) Your clean dishes are not so clean but dripping with wetted dust and minerals and possibly, from what I have heard of you, lemur and cat dander.

Moreover, your feeble efforts to cleanse the world of dirt and dust only make the situation in your Standard Drying Apparatus more dire. Soap, dear man, soap makes gunk. I myself prefer an un-standard apparatus made of wire as being less of a soap collector, although metal is hazardous to fine china and glassware--there's nothing like a dish towel or mat for those.

Lastly, the issue of drying: do you put forth your manly effort to dry these dishes, or do you let them dripdribbledrip into your Standard Drying Apparatus? I contend that such dripdribbledrip fecklessness is responsible for much of the gunk in the world and Apparati. Blot out that soapy, dirty water with a clean absorbent cloth, David R. The world and your dinner guests (cats, Loretta the Lemur, facebook friends) will thank you, or at least will not leave in disgust, making strangled outcries.

Yours, from the Scullery--
The Pot Boy

P. S. Kindly ascertain that the above absorbent cloth is not marred by cat fur.

P. P. S. For a review of what sorts of questions I answer in my role as P.A.C., please refer to this page.

P. P. P. S. To return your Standard Drying Apparatus to its pristine state, perhaps a good soak of the noxious article in chlorox--perhaps even a judicious application of Lime Away or some other mineral remover?

11 comments:

  1. If one places clean cutlery into a completely filthy cutlery drawer what does one expect?

    Pot Boy... you are not familiar with David's home routines (snoozing, mainly) to be aware of such things.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ms. Robbi,

    I thank you!

    &

    Complete Stranger,

    There is something familiar about your air...

    Thank you for the useful input.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you, Potty Boy! Seems you aren't a crackpot after all. From now on, I'll be washing the utensils in the shower with me!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Interesting.

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  5. What a relief that David R. is not all that tender! Suddenly became fearful that he would do something drastic (hang the lemur, drown the cats, break all his glasswork, etc.)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hahahaha! P.Boy obviously hasn't fallen far from the tree with his wit.

    ReplyDelete
  7. One can't hang around here without a bit of wit!

    ReplyDelete
  8. ??

    I don't know about wit, but I seem to have left my wits at another blog. Or lost them entirely.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lee,

    The Pot Boy occasionally surface to make mischief and answer questions!

    ReplyDelete
  10. That is, this is from questions left at the "Huswifery" post...

    ReplyDelete

Alas, I must once again remind large numbers of Chinese salesmen and other worldwide peddlers that if they fall into the Gulf of Spam, they will be eaten by roaming Balrogs. The rest of you, lovers of grace, poetry, and horses (nod to Yeats--you do not have to be fond of horses), feel free to leave fascinating missives and curious arguments.